"David the Gnome" style, that is...
Something bad has happened in my garden. The once happy little garden gnomes have been infected by a strange virus which has turned them into flesh eating monsters. There are only a few survivors left who are desperately trying to stay alive.
David, one of the last non-infected, has met up with patient zero and his half-eaten minion, Legless Larry. There is no escape. David must fight these two zombies to find his wife Lisa and their child. It will be an epic battle of brute strength. Hopefully David will survive in the end.
This is a sorry sight indeed. A poor helpless Lawn Flamingo has been taken down by zombie gnomes: Nose-less Ned, Greedy Gary, and Barfing Bartolomeu. It seems like an unlikely kill until Bartholomeo broke the elegant beast's leg and brought it crashing to the ground. Where they pounced upon their helpless victim and began their feast. So we say "Bye Bye Birdie, I'm going to miss you so, Bye Bye Birdie, Why'd you have to go?"
While many have fled from the zombie gnomes, Fearless Fred has stood courageous...Well that's what he says anyway... From what I can see, he's just climbing that wheel screaming his soon to be bloody head off...
Missy and her husband Butch have been stalking the garden all day looking for their romantic meal. Sadly, foolish Ardy went to go pick some flowers for his girlfriend and was taken down by the deadly couple. Poor Ardy, his intestines have become a delicious meal for the Zombie couple.
Doom, fear, and panic. That is the best way to describe how the surviving garden gnomes are feeling. Doomsday Dan proclaims his surrender in despair. While Fearless Fred bravely climbs a flower pot to save his life. Meanwhile, Nathaniel nervously hides behind a cluster of mushrooms. Life is hard for the garden gnomes now.
Lisa and her son Harold, some of the last surviving garden gnomes, have just met up with the crazed flesh eater Gertrude Guts and her mother Pinwheel Penny. Lisa and Harold must fight off these horrifying zombie gnomes to get back to David. This will indeed be an epic battle to the end. Hopefully they will survive and reunite with David.
OH NO! What a horrible sight! There are body parts all over the fucking place! Intestines... a half eaten Pink Lawn Flamingo head... a decapitated foot... a zombie gnome hand reaching out of the ground... and another zombie gnome hand that looks like it's still alive! Oh my God, what in the holy fuck is going on?!
Gassy Gertrude had always been a big eater, but no one would have expected that her appetite would turn towards the flesh and guts of her other fellow gnomes. On the day she was turned she was visiting another gnome, for whom she had fallen madly in love with. Sadly he did not share the same feelings, and told her so. She was so upset she ran home crying and ran into her newly turned zombie mother, who bit her face, thus turning poor hurt Gertrude into a zombie gnome. Zombie Gertrude then went back to the gnome that rejected her and ate him.
This is Lisa and her son Harold. She and her son were separated from David at the beginning of the zombie apocalypse when David went on a trip to visit a friend. Lisa and Harold fled their home when they were attacked by a hoard of zombie gnomes and have been on the run since. They have been desperately trying to find David, hoping and praying that he hadn't turned into one of the infected. Lisa carries a blunderbuss while Harold carries his trusty pop gun, and just in case, Lisa also carries her rolling pin. Together they give 360 degrees of firepower.
On the day of the zombie apocalypse, Nathaniel was on his way to work. When he opened the door, he found his mentor Sniffy the Smithy on the floor with his eye gouged out. Suddenly, Sniffy sat up, palled and green with an expression of hunger. Nathaniel quickly ran away to hide behind a cluster of mushrooms. With his trusty hammer in hand, hopefully he will survive the disaster.
Doomsday Dan, formerly called Dandy Dan, was once a happy 'Welcome' gnome, but then the gnome world went to shit and so did his attitude. But he should have known the zombie apocalypse would come eventually , the Aztecs predicted it long ago and God knows he's was alive then.
David, Lisa, and Harold are together now, and better than ever. After fighting hoards of zombie gnomes, they finally found each other.
WHAT THE HOLY FUCK FAWN?! Where the fuck did you find this?! It's amazing and terrifying and wonderful!
ReplyDeleteWell, if I divulged all of my secret places on the web, my blog wouldn't be as cool anymore, now would it...?
ReplyDeleteI have ways of making you talk. This is so wrong on a few levels.
ReplyDelete